fullcursemeal | [Serpentine Horizon] Inbox

Is that embarrassing?

No?

[Ohhh. Dawning realization

Embarrassment again]

Oh.

Oh?

[curious, but very mild]

Hm.

[Embarrassment. Trust.. Embarrassment...]

The thing is.. I don't actually know anything about this kind of situation...

You know I don't have experience either, right...?

[some embarrassment as well]

I know, but if neither of us knows what we're doing, doesn't that make it difficult?

[cool we can mildly embarrassment feedback loop]

...

Well, for me... that makes things easier.

[INCREASE EMBARRASSMENT, thank god he's not looking at Jae's face because he's definitely blushing now]

[surprise?? confusion..... more confusion]

It does?

Do you really...?

[the embarrassment is getting a little overwhelming, please hold]

[sighs. frustrated, but not at Jae specifically.]

... I'd rather... be on the same level as someone else than... be a burden because of my inexperience.

[a little anguish and powerlessness start creeping up, but his objective hits almost immediately and washes all of it away with reassurance.

which again, makes him grumble, but helps him keep going]

I'd rather... we learn things together and mess up together than needing to be "looked after" or whatever.

[exhales, it's evident talking about this takes some degree of physical effort because of how tense he's become and how strained his voice is when it comes out]

But also... I don't think there's a way to mess something like this up? Haaah. I don't know, I've never really put that much serious thought into this before tonight. Never thought I'd need to.

[shrugs, and it feels a little like there's more he has to say, but he stops there, trying to focus on the objective payout rather than his anxiety]

Edited 2022-06-12 20:26 (UTC)

[oh.

that's a lot.

Probably if he hadn't been connected he might have not fully understood how much. Actually, even with the connection he doesn't think he understands how much but if it hadn't been there, Jae can see how these words haven't had the same weight.

It feels incongruent with what he 'knows about Curtain's character', but perhaps this is because he's only seen a few facets of that character.

If he thinks about it for a bit, he feels like he can put the pieces together.

Maybe this is the reality of someone who has always been 'strong', but could never be 'strongest'.

It seems strange for that to be relevant in sex but then again, traumas are just like that.

Anyway he's quiet for a while but after the initial surprise, his emotions stay calm and warm and thoughtful.

When he finally speaks, it's to say, with somehow no embarrassment, but just some soft irony.]

So... I really should have just grabbed your dick.

[well, while Jae tries to process and piece all of that together, Curtain is rapidly going to a very dark place. the effect of the objective still lingers so it's not immediately evident on an emotional level... but there's still a bit of anxiety and sorrow, a slowly growing panic and regret.

whatever is going on in his head, it cannot be linked to what's happening in this room right now. not on a rational level, at least. but he seems unable to stop it or to even register that this is happening.]

[and then Jae speaks again and that rush of negativity comes to a stop as he's forced to try and understand the words that were just said]

[he slowly lifts his head to look at Jae, hair sliding down from his eyes. did he really just—???]

[and then he's cracking up, but not in his usual mean way. it's genuine laughter and it immediately melts away all the tension in his body, along with the oppression in his chest and mind]

Edited 2022-06-12 22:02 (UTC)

[It's true that Jae was too preoccupied with his own thoughts to really notice whatever undercurrent was brewing in Curtain. But he does know the pressure shift when it evaporates, and blinks a few times as he also lifts his head to look at Curtain not bothered by the laughing but feeling as if he has definitely missed something.]

[throws his head back again, starting to relax once more]

It's fine...

Next time, I'm going to do it.

[this is a warning, a threat, a promise

he's teasing ~~but not lying~~]

[laughing]

And if I do it first?

[leaning his chin on his forearm on Curtain's chest, watching him, his toes are kind of absently poking around against Curtain's feet]

Hm. Is it a challenge?

[poking back with his own toes whenever they meet]

Not really. I'm fine just letting things happen as we go.

Then I guess if it you do it first you'll find out what happens then.

[relaxes back on top of him]

Could you sleep like this?

[turns to squint out the window]

Is it even a good time for sleep?

Yes, and yes. But you don't need to wait for me to fall asleep.

Is it fine if I want to?

[oh.

the emotion is "doki".]

Is this revenge for me watching you sleep before?

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