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[fullcursemeal]

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[thefaultinthestars]

...I miss all of them.

[fullcursemeal]

... Let's make it so you can see them soon.

[thefaultinthestars]

[blinks a little rapidly as tears were threatening to gather again, and then puts a hand on Curtain's head, redirecting]

Is that enough? If not, you have to give me a hint.

[fullcursemeal]

[buddy,]

I'll talk... and if there's anything else you want to say, you can go ahead and do so, of course.

[he focuses his gaze on Jae's wing again, though he's going mostly by touch here, what with the darkness and black wing and... lack of one eye]

I guess the main thing is that I'm glad you have so many people who care about you.

[thefaultinthestars]

Are you?

[blink blink, the wing rustles against his hand a bit]

It's quite surprising, isn't it?

[fullcursemeal]

No, not at all.

[thefaultinthestars]

[confused squint]

[fullcursemeal]

[without looking at him]

You're making a face.

[thefaultinthestars]

Well it's a strange thing to say.

[fullcursemeal]

Why is it surprising for you?

[thefaultinthestars]

Because until that point it was a completely impossible statement.

[fullcursemeal]

[neutrally]

Why?

[thefaultinthestars]

This feels like a trap.

[fullcursemeal]

I'm trying to understand your perspective.

[thefaultinthestars]

[squints but makes an Attempt]

...I do not know how to answer that.

Other possible interpretations of my name are only child, lonely person, independent person. I don't like them as much, but these are just as suitable for me. Such a person naturally doesn't make many, or really any, close companions.

I've always been aware I have an unlikeable personality, but I gave up on humanity a long time ago so it suited me fine.

[fullcursemeal]

Isn't that just a self-fulfilling prophecy? Assuming that because of your name it's impossible for you to ever make any close connections, and then when they happen you try to find all sorts of justifications for them. Never taking any of the credit.

[thefaultinthestars]

It's not because of my name? I just think it's a useful way to describe things.

Obviously it's because of trauma. It's not a very interesting trauma, it's nothing compared to your story and it's further removed from Yu Junghyeok's than anything could possibly be. Naturally I'm ashamed of it.

I think it's probably true that if someone else was in the same circumstances, the outcome would be very different. Perhaps if I had fought back like Huiwon, or been able to patiently and earnestly earn people's respect like Yu Sangah. I don't think it's impossible to do in general.

But for me it was impossible. All I ever managed to accomplish was to read a book and stay alive.

[fullcursemeal]

...




[sighs]

I think in a situation like yours, having "read a book and stayed alive" is already commendable in itself. There's many other routes you could have taken, but you chose to live on, and live with that.

That said, the fact that you read that book is also what helped many others stay alive in the end, isn't it?

1/2

[thefaultinthestars]

[he looks like he wasn't prepared to hear those words, and opens his mouth and closes it several time without getting any words out]

[thefaultinthestars]

No. You can't really say that much.

[fullcursemeal]

[he does not miss that reaction]

... Am I wrong...?

[curious, more than accusatory]

[thefaultinthestars]

.... My allies, in my world-line, were saved because I read that story. Trust much is true.

[fullcursemeal]

But...?

[thefaultinthestars]

...but my allies were also on that situation, because I read that story.

[there is a very precise distance in his voice, and he is not looking Curtain in the eye.]

[fullcursemeal]

[he can sense that and... frankly isn't sure whether to push for him to elaborate or just, leave that there for when it makes sense someday. he's already been told so much tonight.

maybe just a bit...]

Because of how you got them involved...?

[his voice is quiet, gentle]