[maybe if they hadn't had that other conversation about the bet and the bingo square earlier, maybe if he hadn't seen Jae's story just now, maybe if he hadn't spent all this time with him watching Jae assume nobody could or should care about him...

but those are all what ifs and this felt necessary to say right now. even if ends up bouncing off of him like so many other things, it was a selfish, important thing to voice.

he doesn't say anything more, just holds Jae close and lets him stay there for as long as he wants]